During a long drive home, I was hooked on a podcast that got me thinking about something pretty important. There was this public service announcement that came on, talking about a certain addiction and the speaker said the phrase, “it left me with nothing.” I’d heard that phrase a few times before, but this time it hit me differently. See, usually, we just sum it up as “it’s bad,” and move on. But this time, I realized it’s more than that.
Back when I was dealing with my eating disorder, I honestly believed I was winning a war against my feelings. I thought I could dodge them forever. Plus, I was convinced that my eating disorder would somehow make me feel “good enough.” Truth be told, I had no clue what being “good enough” even meant for me. And I was totally clueless that what my eating disorder was aiming for was never going to make me feel that way.
Now, in the middle of my fight with my emotions and self-worth, I knew somewhere inside that my eating disorder was taking everything away from me, leaving me with nothing. Every part of my life was slipping through my fingers – relationships, my mind and body, my spirituality, school, work – you name it. But even though I sort of understood this, my distorted mind just threw it into the “it’s bad” box, which was much easier to handle.
Seeing Through the Smoke and Mirrors
Looking back, I realize that “it left me with nothing” meant a lot more than just saying something’s bad. It’s like I was tricked into believing my eating disorder was the answer when it was actually stealing from me. It took away who I really was and left me as this empty shell.
Finding my way to recovery showed me that those words aren’t just empty complaints. They’re a reality check. My eating disorder wasn’t some magical solution; it was a thief. It robbed me of happiness, messed up my relationships, and smothered my passions. And it wasn’t until I faced this truth that I could start getting everything back.
Embracing the Truth
If you’re stuck in something similar, remember that beneath the simple-sounding words, there’s a big truth hiding. “It left me with nothing” isn’t just a grumble; it’s a powerful message about the damage something can do. And as you work through recovery, you’ll see that facing this truth is the first step to taking back all that was stolen from you.